This is the true me on these pages. I've always loved sunflowers but...never thought of them as anything but flowers. They are tall, beautiful and proud. That's everything I'm desperately trying to be. So maybe, just maybe, I can be like them someday. Even though I know everything will be ok...I can't help but doubt everything sometimes. That is what makes life interesting I guess.
About the Blogger
This blog belongs to a 17 year old girl living in the United States. She has many self-diagnosed problems that send her into tailspins quite often. This includes clinical lycanthropy, depression, possible bipolar, mild sociophobia and severe driving anxiety. Despite her friends, she feels alone. She hates things about herself, yes, but this is why she started the blog. She felt as if she could better express herself through the Internet and being anonymous. This is all she wants you to know about herself in general as to stay anonymous to her friends who may run across this blog. Please understand. If you recognize her, please don't say anything. This is her only possible outlet. She has kept your secrets...please just keep this one.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
I'm Confused 5/2/2013
I'm listening to music right now...but I don't want to listen to music because its over-stimulating. However, when I turn it off I feel empty and under-stimulated and I have to hear something. I'm so confused by this. Maybe its the fact that its about time I went into one of my depression periods again. It comes with the bipolar. I'll have a few weeks of awesomeness then a few weeks of not so awesomeness. I'm so confused my myself that sometimes its hard to even know what's real or not for my brain. My clinical lycanthropy has become more and more of a pillow cushion this last depression rut and I'm afraid I may become dependent on it in this one. I'm just a broken girl that can't really depend on the people around me. Its not their fault. Its mine. I'm actually pretty chill on the outside. But you know how that is.
I Understand the Song Now 5/2/2013
Recently, I heard this song by a band called AWOLNATION called "Kill your Heroes". As expected when I told my mom she was disgusted but she didn't hear what the song was about. She listened to my words but didn't really hear. Right now, go listen to the song. Don't worry, I can wait...................Alright, you're back. It really spoke to me when I heard it but I didn't understand it fully except for a single line or two. Now, a day later, I do understand. You don't physically kill your heroes. Kill your heroes in your mind and fight for your own fate. Fight for your dreams because you can't just follow someone else your whole life. Everybody must die is what the song says and transferring to you AND your heroes. Nobody really deserves to live on forever in our memory because they usually did something wrong or non-role model worthy (if you're gonna nitpick about Jesus, then I see where you have footing and he does deserve to be respected and remembered but you got my point). I think we were all put on this planet for a reason. Whether its to save the world or save one person we all have a purpose. But I also think our fate is not pre-determined. We are put on earth for a reason not yet known. Make your reason worth every breath you take and learn to take each breath with pride.