Biggest Post in AGES! 10/21/2012

Since I haven't updated in the three shakes of a lambs tail that I promised I would a while back (I said I would post more often...I evidently lied!). I have a big update for everyone. First of all, this is going to be a bit of a sadder post. For one thing, the college I eventually want to go into requires GPAs that I have not and probably won't ever have. I am so depressed about that. I have a 2.3 (I think) and you need a 3.0 to apply and the past grades I have not met their criteria. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. I can't tell my parents because they would probably be pissed beyond belief that I disappointed them. I couldn't handle that. I just...wouldn't. I would break and then...what would there be to make me stay?

Another BIG thing is that my brother has been keeping a huge secret from my parents and I. Before you flip, my parents know now. He says and insists (through texts, mind you) that he loves this girl who lives in the same state as us about an hour from here. I, personally, think its a load of horse crap and he should stop being such a big princess about it and man up. He should have told our parents face to face but they had to find out by taking his phone. They almost had to live up to his "out of my cold, dead hands" remark he clutched that stupid thing so bad. They read it and I was stunned. I can not BELIEVE he would do that. He's 14! 14!!!!!! That's way to young for any true love or relationship. I think he needs to consider this in a realistic light which I think he is not mature enough to do.

One final thing which ends up being two things. One, I have a cold that makes me want to lay in bed all day and use up boxes of tissue at a time. I feel like crap scraped off of the shoe of a man who rode in every taxicab in New York in a single day. Its that bad. To add to my problems my depression is back and is making things generally more difficult. I find myself unwilling and unhappy even though I fake a smile to nearly everyone I know. What's the point of faking everything anymore? I hate being so...normal. I had a dream that I did something important in my life someday. Maybe I will. I just have this burning impression on my very soul and being that I am meant for something greater than I am now. What is it...? I'm so confused.

Well, now that you're in information overload, I should say goodnight! GOODNIGHT!
.....I need happiness (sadface)