Asked Out?! 12/12/2012

Ok, you read the title right...I think someones trying to ask me out. He asked if I was doing anything over the break and of course I said no since if I said yes I'd both disappointing him and be lying. Then he asked if I wanted to go see a movie sometime. Me, being the awkward never-asked-out person that i am said maybe but hinted towards yes. Now all I need to do is convince my overprotective and overly-negative parents that I can handle myself with someone of the opposite gender. I swear, its like they don't trust me at all. Saying you trust me doesn't matter if you don't. I'm just mad that they don't treat me like their daughter but like some rogue teenager who wants to run away at every opportune moment to be with another hormonally compromised teenager. Really, parents. You make my social life shrivel...

The Viewing 12/6/2012

To update you on the most recent events, I went to the viewing of my deceased principal last night. That's why I didn't post about it last night; because it was an hour drive from out house. I was so emotionally exhausted when we got home, I went to bed no questions asked. He looked...so different. Like they had a stranger in the coffin with makeup and costume to try and look like him. It was like someone was playing a sick joke and that he would sho up on Tuesday explaining some big emotional experiment and everything could go back to normal. But...nothing can go back to normal. I hate that fact. I'm the kind of person who enjoys some change but when it comes to this kind of thing it would be better if nothing changed at all. Tonight is the service. We can't go because my mom doesn't want to spend too much time in a church. I find that excuse thin and retarded. Nobody would listen to my anyways. Bye. I'm gonna go to sleep.

Tragedy and Grief 12/3/2012

There's a reason for my extended leave of writing. Two days ago, probably after by previous post, I got an awful text from my friend back in my home town. While I had been out...the principal of my school who had guided me and helped me and the other students so much had passed away suddenly of a heart attack. He had been a mentor and a light in the darkness for me and my brother. He was the one who showed us the school we go to now and got us enrolled. He gave us encouragement and happiness. To think that he was there...and then not...I don't think the weight of it has even hit me yet. It kills me to think that I won't have him in the school anymore. He was such a brilliant mind...I pray for his daughters, his wife and his remaining family. I am broken now and it had taken me so long to get my world into a single piece.

This, along with a few other enormous secrets, cut deep into my heart and has made anything happy impossible. To think that our vacation could be cut so short. I want everything to be alright...but i know that it will never be alright. Its a devastating thought. For my principal, I shall carry on giving strength to those who need it. Please, let his family be alright. Let me not be too lost. Let me have one...last...chance...