Ultimate Confusion 3/18/2013

That's right, depression to confusion and a pinch of nervous. I played the heartless coward and got someone else to contact my dad about me being 100% unable to to the college courses during high school. If you don't remember, they were college level classes in high school my father was dead set on making me do and I didn't qualify. I convinced m school's counselor to call my father and tell him about the college courses. Since the day she said she would, he hasn't mentioned it ONCE. Not a single time even as a comment or private remark. Nothing. Its like the idea just dissipated into thin air. I'm left confused about how the call went and nervous if he'll bring it up again. I know I'm not as brilliant as he is but he insists I am. Maybe he just need to open his eyes and see that. I'm not the genius he plays me out to be. I'm not him. Still...I'm gonna ask the counselor about the call tomorrow.

The Last Thread Tightens to Snap 3/15/2013

I can't take much more of this dissapointment. My parents are never satisfied and don't understand that I'm not them. My friends aren't talking to me anymore and they're 30 minutes away from me even though we're friends on Facebook and I'm on A LOT on my Skype so they can, the one person I thought I had a crush on is telling me he's dealing with issues and can't talk for two weeks. I...can't handle this anymore. I done with dissapointment and pain and anger. I don't know how long I'll be willing to hold on. Somebody help me.

Nothing Left 3/14/2013

I'm afraid of everything right now. I'm having a freaking anxiety attack because my dad wants me to do this program where I take college classes in High school and I don't qualify. Despite this, he insists I'm just not doing well enough. Thanks for making me feel like a living breathing asshole. Then again, I felt like shit before this happened. Screw this. Screw school and life and family and everything. God, there's literally nothing left. What's the point of even trying if its NEVER FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH?! FORGET YOU. THIS IS MY LIFE AND I DESERVE IT. ITS MINE. MINE. NOT YOURS. AND I CAN DO WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT TO DO WITH IT. WATCH ME. I'LL SHOW YOU. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME ANYMORE.

The Crap Hits the Fan 3/5/2013

I know I haven't been posting anything happy lately but I'm in a bit of a depression pit right now and it helps me feel better to write here. Honestly, it does. Despite having no comments and followers the views are enough for me. In my school, there's a new program being offered. You can take college level courses in high school for college credits. Although I'd like to do it...my GPA is far from the requirements...and my parents don't know that. Literally the crap is hovering over the fan, ready to hit it and kill me in the process. I'm already in piss water for hiding the remaining mousetraps. I'm just...so sick of everything. I don't feel like I'm communicating well with anyone anymore and I feel so alone. I don't know if I can do this anymore.

Saving Little Lives 3/4/2013

A lot of crap has gone down since we last talked. For instance, we have a mouse or two in the house. The problem is (besides the mice) is my father is trying to kill them with snapping traps. How dare he show such blatant disregard for life. This is why the world is in such the state its in now. Because people refuse to respect the lives of other creatures who have little to no difference from us, we can simply go out and kill in other countries. He even lied to me, for the first time in years, about the traps. He lied and said there were two and there were four set up in reality. To replace them I have HavaHeart mouse-sized traps to set out. I did. Within 15 minutes of setting it up I had one. In your face. I then went around the house with a pencil setting off all the snap-traps he placed and threw them away. Serves you right. You won' care about another living, breathing creature and I won't care about your stupid traps.

This brings me to another point. What makes their lives so much more worthless than ours? Because they haven't built a civilization? Because they don't talk? Is that IT? In my mind I believe that every single animal deserves the right to another breath on the Earth. No matter how small or large they are, they should also have the God given rights man claims only they have for freedom of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. To finish off the rant I gotta deal out the facts. People who are more willing or like to hurt/kill animals are more likely to hurt humans for their own entertainment. I have three links for this. Pet-Abuse.com, Peta.org (I usually hate these little bitches but they have the facts this time), and Canadians for Animal Welfare Reform. And I know this post is early but I'm fully expecting to get grounded for setting off the remaining traps he'll set. I don't care. The score stands at ME-1 and HIM-0.

My Brother 2/25/2013

I officially think my brother need help. We were joking around and I grabbed his bag of chips and tossed it onto my desk. He then got throughly pissed for no aparent reason and whipped the clip at my face, punched my arm and took it back. This happened a half hour ago and it still hurts. Now, he's playing a game and laughing like nothing happened. Screw him. I don't like this monster he's becoming. He's a bully. He calls me derogatory names all the time. I wish he would just...stop...

Just Go Away...FOREVER 2/18/2013

The moment when you go onto Facebook and see that one of your classmates in your small class of 30 people of 9th through 12th grade total posts "I hate this school and everyone in it." Well, I'm in it and I've been nothing but awesome to you since I first met you. Sorry I wasn't good enough to NOT be hated by you despite my support. Just go away then. Friends who group people together and judge them in packs deserve nothing from me. Just screw off. That's it, I'm done caring for people like you. Everyone just needs to go away.

As you can see I'm in one of my pits again. Since my tablet is broken I can't draw and vent and I'm sure as hell not going to write because if someone in my family finds it they'll judge. I hate people who judge. GAH! I JUST HATE PEOPLE RIGHT NOW...They cause nothing but pain. I think everyone should just leave me alone. Just go away...

In other news my mother keeps talking about my savings money like I'm going to actually start driving someday. Stop acting like you have my future planned out for me. Stop treating me like I'm your doll you can live through. I have my own soul and my own future and its mine to make. If I wanted to forget everything you've taught me up until now and do whatever I wanted I could. I could get away from here and leave forever and you'd only be upset because I didn't grow up to be a clone of you. Like I said, everyone needs to go away.

Fuck off everyone.