Asked Out?! 12/12/2012

Ok, you read the title right...I think someones trying to ask me out. He asked if I was doing anything over the break and of course I said no since if I said yes I'd both disappointing him and be lying. Then he asked if I wanted to go see a movie sometime. Me, being the awkward never-asked-out person that i am said maybe but hinted towards yes. Now all I need to do is convince my overprotective and overly-negative parents that I can handle myself with someone of the opposite gender. I swear, its like they don't trust me at all. Saying you trust me doesn't matter if you don't. I'm just mad that they don't treat me like their daughter but like some rogue teenager who wants to run away at every opportune moment to be with another hormonally compromised teenager. Really, parents. You make my social life shrivel...

The Viewing 12/6/2012

To update you on the most recent events, I went to the viewing of my deceased principal last night. That's why I didn't post about it last night; because it was an hour drive from out house. I was so emotionally exhausted when we got home, I went to bed no questions asked. He looked...so different. Like they had a stranger in the coffin with makeup and costume to try and look like him. It was like someone was playing a sick joke and that he would sho up on Tuesday explaining some big emotional experiment and everything could go back to normal. But...nothing can go back to normal. I hate that fact. I'm the kind of person who enjoys some change but when it comes to this kind of thing it would be better if nothing changed at all. Tonight is the service. We can't go because my mom doesn't want to spend too much time in a church. I find that excuse thin and retarded. Nobody would listen to my anyways. Bye. I'm gonna go to sleep.

Tragedy and Grief 12/3/2012

There's a reason for my extended leave of writing. Two days ago, probably after by previous post, I got an awful text from my friend back in my home town. While I had been out...the principal of my school who had guided me and helped me and the other students so much had passed away suddenly of a heart attack. He had been a mentor and a light in the darkness for me and my brother. He was the one who showed us the school we go to now and got us enrolled. He gave us encouragement and happiness. To think that he was there...and then not...I don't think the weight of it has even hit me yet. It kills me to think that I won't have him in the school anymore. He was such a brilliant mind...I pray for his daughters, his wife and his remaining family. I am broken now and it had taken me so long to get my world into a single piece.

This, along with a few other enormous secrets, cut deep into my heart and has made anything happy impossible. To think that our vacation could be cut so short. I want everything to be alright...but i know that it will never be alright. Its a devastating thought. For my principal, I shall carry on giving strength to those who need it. Please, let his family be alright. Let me not be too lost. Let me have one...last...chance...

Eating and Swimming 11/29/2012

Seriously, the title says it all. We went swimming...twice...and eat at Chilis. Got a free doughnut at Sheetz and then called it a night at 9:30. I am now quite ready to go to bed. Short and sweet.

Vacation at Last! 11/29/2012

Is it still considered vacation if I'm only less than a 4 hour drive from my house? I count it like that. I needed a rest, a break, a BIT OF PEACE. Finally we get to be in a hotel for nearly two days straight *tears of joy*. Well, time to sleep. Wait...that would make it not a vacation but a nap-time ..SCREW IT, I'MMA ENJOY THIS VACATION! Short and sweet, buds. Love ya'll.

I am Not COMMUNIST 11/28/2012

I saw The Princess and the Frog in Saturday. I cried, like I usually do, but it was at the scene in Mama Odie's house where she shows Tiana her father in the gumbo. I just had a moment where I thought 'What would I do without my dad...?' I cried, missed 10 minutes of the movie and then fell asleep and let my laptop battery die. That was my Saturday.

I was in History today and everyone was chatting about government and popular beliefs (can you see where I'm going with this?). They were talking about Canada and how well their government was doing and how America should be more like Canada. This one kid asked why we can't have free Healthcare. I, stupidly, got involved with the comment QUOTE "Because Democracy prevents that at the moment. I just think Democracy isn't a save all." Then, all HELL broke loose. I started getting angry private chats accusing me of being a communist and got rejecting messages back in the MAIN chat. I was so confused I almost didn't reply. Me being me, I did. I said, copied and pasted for uniform replies "No, I'm not a communist but democracy isn't working." Then it only got worse. So upset and confused about the happening, I just left the chat room. Not worth being harassed for my beliefs. I mean, it has been in a constant downward spiral for a while now (the government). I do NOT believe the country is going to change. I don't We're too brainwashed.

On another note, I'm going downstate with my Dad and brother for a mini-trip! SO EXCITED! No mom, no in class work, no problems. I mean, the only thing I may miss is one of my art classes (which reminds me...I have to tell my friend she'll need to find a ride...we carpool). Anyways, I need a break. Seriously. I NEED A BREAK. I've been here in the same 20 miles for weeks now and I'm sick of it. I am so done with being in one place. I get antsy when I have to stay put for extended periods of time. I'll probably end up sitting in the hotel all that time (until Friday) but it will be so worthit. Pool and computer. That is ALL I NEED! I better get my work done today so I won't have too much to worry about. Take care, Internet. More quite soon.

A Small Update (or not) 11/26/2012

Hello, everyone. I hope my short hiatus didn't cause anyone to lose interest in the blog. I have been so busy I have had so little time for anything other than general health care and school work. My weekdays have been jam packed with my art classes, special help sessions and generalized school and chaos. My weekends have been about the same with my family feeling the need to consume hours and hours of time together even though they have nothing in mind. Such is the case with a week ago when my mom suggested me and her go out to shop and when we got 20 minutes out she asked me what I wanted to do. Naturally I had no idea...neither did she. We ended up going to two stores and then going home, only for me to work until 8 on a school project. Altogether, nothing has been going well.

I also...met someone special. For now and until further notice, he shall be known as Wolfy. Wolfy is such an amazing person and has brought so much sunshine in my dismal life I could never ever find the words to thank him properly. We're sweet with one another and I hope someday we could be...more than friends. Not THAT kind of thing but...something innocent but obvious. That makes no sense...Either way, he's such an amazing person I have no idea what I would do without him. We've exchanged some pics and...we are ok. Don't show him this, please. I'd blush till the end of time...also, if he doesn't feel the same way I don't know how I would react. Until I deem anything else worth sharing, this is me signing off. Bye everyone.

P.S. Who forgot to let me have some of the Nutella?

To be POed, or not to be POed 11/12/2012

I don't know whether to be totally POed or totally excited. For one thing, my parent's have been back and forth since I came upstairs only about 45 minutes ago and I heard them downstairs! Then, I come upstairs and get scolded for being in my pajamas for the entire day (which isn't a big deal...) and for not making dinner like I said but was told not to. NOW I was ticked off and confused. Well, it all got mostly better when I got a new drawing software. Its like a Photoshop knockoff but it seems cool enough. I'm gonna try a paint feature and see how it works. Its always a pain in the butt to learn a new drawing software. Well, I'm gonna go see what happens. Byes!

I Won't Apologize 11/9/2012

I finally got my eReader to work. I had to factory reset, FORCE it to update through the website and get a memory card for it. I was honestly...SO ticked off. They made it so difficult, that even though it works now I have no reason to say sorry for raging yesterday. I find it quite bad for business that there are no clear answers on the internet and no solid solutions. It makes me upset and totally frustrated. That's really all I have to say today. Just...if you make a product that could possibly have very serious problems, have a REALLY good and educated support staff.

eReader...BAD Idea? 11/8/2012

Ok, I'm not one to offend people often so I really hope my mother never finds this blog. She got me a Sharper Image Litertia or something like that for 46 bucks as a gift. I got it today (ordered Monday off EBay) and was totally excited! Wouldn't you be?! Then...I tried to run it. First, its not a touch screen but it has a keypad, button-style movement pad and tough to press buttons. That's only the beginnings of this thing.  It said it came with 150 books by default...THAT was a blatant lie. It came with 25 and one was the United States Constitution. Then I checked the store. Book prices ranged from $0.99 to over $40, which means it might be cheaper to buy the flipping books in the stores. Also, there are books missing covers, descriptions and even repeat entries for books with variable info attached. This was all before I got the throbbing headache.

I got the throbbing headache by trying to put an eBook from online on it. The Divine Comedy. I had a free link to it, had the ePub format and everything. I downloaded Adobe Digital Edition...it doesn't recognize my eReader. I unplug, replug...nothing. I uninstall, reinstal...nothing. I delete EVERYTHING off of my MP3 player SD card and put it in the eReader...nothing. You getting the pattern here? I then procedded to update the firmware (I presume) 5 times, factory reset three and prepared to crack it in half over my knee (my mother stopped me and told me to go to bed. I am hating this damn thing already. Yet...it was a gift so I'm keeping my complaints to a minimum though I have expressed by disgust with it and my dislike of its way of working (or lack thereof). Altogether, I'm seeing this as a waste of my time so far. Sharper Image, GET IT RIGHT NEXT TIME. This thing so far, is a piece of crap. If this changes, I'll be sure to say so.

I Feel a Depression Coming On 11/5/2012

Today was…uneventful to say the least. I honestly wish I would have gotten more done today but you know, some days are just like that. I also had hoped to get my laundry done today but I guess that isn’t going to happen anytime soon. I’m going by a new motto this week…WHATEVER. Pretty good, no? I say its fantastic and quite to the point. I am finding that I am getting less and less enjoyment out of my everyday life.  Maybe it’s a phase like it seems to end up being. I certainly hope so. This downward spiral crap makes me want to jump out of a window. Seriously, whatever makes me go into these stupid depression loops really needs to lay off. I have a life to live, you know? I don’t have time to be depressed all the time. I think I just need to take a chill pill and sit down. Whatever the case, I have a busy and most likely unfun day ahead of me. Wish me luck…no really, wish me luck.

I have the POWER! 11/3/2012

We got our power back today! Took them this long to get it back. It had been out since Monday at 10 and we were pretty at ease about it at the  time because in our old neighborhood it would have gotten fixed by the morning. Thankfully we got a generator and were able to keep warm and safe throughout Sandy. You don't have to worry too much about me. I have restarted folding cranes for my 1000 cranes. I know it seems childish but I really wanted to. I feel like I have to try. If nothing else, I hope to gain a sort of peace with myself through them. I can’t go on without trying. My wish is too important. Well, I have to go. Goodnight! I hope everyone is safe or becoming more safe after Sandy.

No Power! 10/30/2012

Of course, we have to live in the area with 50,000+ power outages. I just can't win, can I? Well, I realize I haven't posted in a while. Its kind of tough to post when the internet turns off at 9 and I cannot let my parents read over my shoulder anymore. They still do, needless to say. I hate it when they do that. Its like their are either so bored they just want to read what I write or they don't trust me enough. Whatever the case, the whole family is sitting in Panera Bread using their power and wifi while our house remains in total darkness. That's mostly why I'm posting so early. I don't know if I'll be able to post anything at all tonight. Its a big disappointment but what are you gonna do? Nothing you can do. Since its not too late in the day, I have nothing huge to report. I can assure the internet that I will stay safe through all of Sandy. I promise. As soon as things ease up and we get power back, I'll post more often.

You Can't Stop Me 10/24/2012

The art academy will be difficult to get to tomorrow as many streets in the city are closing for a stupid reason. DARN YOU! My mom says it might be too difficult to get to by car so she might not pick me up after it ends which means I can't go. I say I'm going because stuff like this is too important to miss. I would walk there if I had to! Seriously, she can't think that little of me that she would cut off my free Photoshop on the day the teacher introduces the pens to go with our tablets. THIS is something I am totally unwilling to miss. That's it for my rage, I guess. The rest is actually pretty happy.

Since I got my english required reading book today I can finally clear out all these overdue lessons I've had sitting about for quite some time. All I have to do is a project and the rest should just flow off easily. Well, as far as I can tell one of the characters is mentally deficient and the other is a real ass. That's just chapter one so I can only imagine the boring reading I'll be poking down my throat like dry chicken. To quote Sheogorath the Daedric Prince of Madness "Do you mind? I'm doin' the fishstick! Its a very delicate state of mind!" SEE? That didn't even make sense! I need to go to bed. Night dudes.

In celebration of Korra's awesomeness...have three gifs today.

When does the ACTION begin? 10/23/2012

I am up...this late at night...working on a school project that was due today. I know, its bad to put things off and its not good at all to be late but she dropped the due date on us last minute and I scrambled to finish it. I just need to solve one more equation and I can bag and tag this sucker. I'm a major procrastinator if you can't already tell. I am also late in my English class as I just received the book I'm supposed to finish my Friday today. It's probably one of those dry, old books that puts you to sleep. Its "Of Mice and Men". IT even sounds boring. I was hoping it was a twisted tale of experiments on mice and humans but nope, its about two dude farmers who may or may not have a thing for each other. Let's just get this over with.

On another note, my brother really knows how to piss our family members off. All he does is disagree, insult what you like and poke fun at you until you explode on him and he either laughs or acts like he did nothing wrong. He's a spoiled little brat who need to have his lips stapled shut to prevent him from tearing our hearts and minds to pieces. Seriously, grow up. Are you that stupid and so mainstream that being mean and cruel is our only form of entertainment? That's called...BULLYING.

Today in the art academy class we went over more Photoshop basics! BORING. I know how to use this up and down and I've only used it for a whole 4 hours total. It has a lot of the same features as GIMP so I have to say I'm a bit ahead of the curve right now. Now I have to wait for my totally not artistic classmates to catch up with me and my one friend who doesn't know what she is doing herself I think. She just has this feel about her that she desperately wants to know what she's doing and be better than everyone around her. Newsflash, that's not how you get ahead in life.

I am dead tired, bros. Good night. I really have nothing more to report.

Warblargbefuddle 10/22/2012

Ok, an update on the whole funeral scenario that had haunted me all day. We didn't go. Do you want to know why? Despite your answer I will tell you. People are so freaking judgmental that my mother decided not to go as not to be looked down upon by idiot relatives. She insisted that she didn't know the relative who passed very well anyways but I know that deep down she didn't want to get hurt anymore.

Her side of the family has so many issues. One of my uncles is a theif and liar, an aunt of mine is being a leech and her son is a bastard who needs to be put in prison for the rest of his life and evidently, the relative who died had an adopted son who totally screwed up himself and his parents. Being a drug addict and a 'robber', he caused his adoptive parents to sell their house to send him to rehab. When the mother got sick and the husband had passed away the son stole everything from her, sold her house and parked her in a nursing home. He then left his family to go to Florida with his alchoholic birth mother. WHAT A SCREWBALL.

I also seem to have no clean clothes to wear tomorrow so I sneakily snuck downstairs and popped in my whites and am waiting for the dryer buzzer to go off for the towel load my mom had going so I can go switch it. I hpoe I finish without being noticed tonight. I'm REALLY not up for a lecture on the way to school tomorrow. Seriously, I'm not. Also, I have to remember to bring my grades in tomorrow to the art academy or I'll get kicked out. No way I'm letting that happen.

I also got my hair cut again. It was getting long so I had it snip-snipped and now its amazingly short again. Ah wonderfully short hair. Well, I'm tired after a busy day. Goodnight Internet!

P.S. I don't know why but my posts have been rather long lately. Maybe they'll stay long so you can read more. Taa-taa!

No NORMAL Family 10/21/2012

Ok, so you know the phrase "You shake everyone's family trees and a few nuts are bound to fall out"? When our family tree was shaken, all but my parents and us kids (me and brother) were NOT completely screwed up. My aunt sent us photos of our Grandparent's house on the inside...and it looks like a garbage dump pushed into a single house. Its gross, dirty and probably not safe for even a roach to live in. My grandparents from one side are crazy as it is. Hell, I can't even consider then Grandparents! The grandfather bought me dolls (I HAVE ALWAYS AND ALWAYS WILL HATE DOLLS). I have never, in my entire life, played with a doll. They are way too girly for my tastes. And yet, he bought me three.

 For years they sat on my old dresser as painful reminders of how little he cared about us. Last year, I threw them away. I din't need them. That one side of grandparents have had no influence on my life. I have met that grandmother twice in my 16 years of life and the only reason I don't count the first is because I was still crapping my pants and barfing on myself. Seriously, if you want to show you care, at least visit us once every so often. She never even wanted to meet me the second time which was this past Summer. It was complete and utter chance we saw one another. I don't hate them I just don't want anything to do with them. They have cause me and my parents FAR too much pain to ever want to have a relationship with them.

We're going to continue on the topic of family for now. Tomorrow, I'm going to a funeral of a woman I have never met. My mother's aunt (or maybe it was great-aunt...). I have never met her in my entire life. I didn't even know who she was until my mom told us we were going tomorrow. I was surprised and a bit confused but whatever, lets just go and get it over with. I hope its not too awkward. Wish me luck!

Biggest Post in AGES! 10/21/2012

Since I haven't updated in the three shakes of a lambs tail that I promised I would a while back (I said I would post more often...I evidently lied!). I have a big update for everyone. First of all, this is going to be a bit of a sadder post. For one thing, the college I eventually want to go into requires GPAs that I have not and probably won't ever have. I am so depressed about that. I have a 2.3 (I think) and you need a 3.0 to apply and the past grades I have not met their criteria. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. I can't tell my parents because they would probably be pissed beyond belief that I disappointed them. I couldn't handle that. I just...wouldn't. I would break and then...what would there be to make me stay?

Another BIG thing is that my brother has been keeping a huge secret from my parents and I. Before you flip, my parents know now. He says and insists (through texts, mind you) that he loves this girl who lives in the same state as us about an hour from here. I, personally, think its a load of horse crap and he should stop being such a big princess about it and man up. He should have told our parents face to face but they had to find out by taking his phone. They almost had to live up to his "out of my cold, dead hands" remark he clutched that stupid thing so bad. They read it and I was stunned. I can not BELIEVE he would do that. He's 14! 14!!!!!! That's way to young for any true love or relationship. I think he needs to consider this in a realistic light which I think he is not mature enough to do.

One final thing which ends up being two things. One, I have a cold that makes me want to lay in bed all day and use up boxes of tissue at a time. I feel like crap scraped off of the shoe of a man who rode in every taxicab in New York in a single day. Its that bad. To add to my problems my depression is back and is making things generally more difficult. I find myself unwilling and unhappy even though I fake a smile to nearly everyone I know. What's the point of faking everything anymore? I hate being so...normal. I had a dream that I did something important in my life someday. Maybe I will. I just have this burning impression on my very soul and being that I am meant for something greater than I am now. What is it...? I'm so confused.

Well, now that you're in information overload, I should say goodnight! GOODNIGHT!
.....I need happiness (sadface)

Sickness... 10/17/2012

Guess what...I'm sick. I have some sort or cold or flu beause I am endlessly tired, my throat is sore and I am sooo dizzy. I should probably be resting right now but I am talking to you all. You beeter be thankful (haha). I went to school anyways cuz my parents are strict and really tight and I just said whatever and gagged my way to school. I feel like crap. I'm going to bed. I can't even remember what I did today...

Conspiracy Nut? 10/16/2012

Who doesn't like a good conspiracy, am I right? I'm watching Coma Conspiracy right now and it seems as though I missed an episode but its still REALLY interesting. I have no idea wha's going on but its cool nonetheless. Just got to the part with the spanish kid and the battery. Now that I think about that it sounds remarkably hilarious! Sorry kid but didn't your parents ever say...you know..."DON'T EAT BATTERIES OR YOU'LL DIE". Seriously, kiddies. Eating batteries is for chumps. (Ok...commercial break...I AM TOTALLY LOST)

In other news, I am no longer extremely excited about the art classes in the free academy. It has projects. I HATE assigned art because it never lives up to my personal goals and expectations. I REALLY hope they find a way to buy back my lost expectations with a bit of freedom and a way to set my own goals and to set my own expectations. I feel that this imposes on my creativity  These programs they provide better be better than a 2 pound steamy steak on a chilly winter's day or I'm gonna flip some tables. Ok, rant over. Have a wonderful evening.

Hooray for ART! 10/15/2012

Today I got an acceptance e-mail from a nearby art academy! i am now taking after school digital arts and animation classes for 8 weeks! High-five! I will probably continue once this singular 8 weeks is over because they offer so many free programs. I signed up on Friday...ANXIOUSLY waited all weekend and then finally got my beloved acceptance e-mail just today. Thank goodness! Classes start tomorrow so I was beginning to panic. Have a wonderful evening everyone!

Plus...we had to get a new microwave. Ours wasn't heating up food so I texted my dad and mom. My mother, bless her soul, told me not to use it. RIGHT, like I'll use a microwave that DOESN'T HEAT THINGS UP.  Other than a noisemaker, it as useless sooo, yeah. Here, have this GIF.

Brain...why you no DRAW 10/12/2012

I think I can relate to every artist when they say that they hate it when they have a vision in their head and it doesn't quite work out the way they pictured it. Like right now. I have this drawing in front of me...I had an awesome vision for it...and it's not working out the way i thought it would. Maybe I could cheap out and do three like frames and make it a gif...I SHALL! The character is sitting in front of a candle and I'm working on light and shadows. Its a tough concept and I'm working very hard to get it done and posted. I promise it will be amazing even though you'll never see it. Sorry people, anonymous here! Still, I feel kinda bad none of you know who I am. I've always wondered what it would be like to not be known  by anyone and still be known as someone on the Internet. Now is the time! I am going to go to bed.

 My brother pitched a fit, got his phone taken away and was a real jerk tonight. He deserves every punishment he gets. The only problem is the phone is currently sitting on the sink of the only bathroom of the house. If he find it, I have no doubt he will take it and delete all his  messages and history  At that point my father will call the phone company, get the messages and he'll be in even BIGGER trouble. I wish he was more honest. Well, tomorrow oughta be fun. MY parents are going out to dinner for their anniversary on Sunday so that's a cute little sidenote. Now, for an awesome gif I found floating about on the internet today.

I Think I Just Derped a Little 10/11/2012

I was talking to a new friend from one of my online lessons and they asked me if I have a DeviantArt to which i replied happily yes and gave them my username. Then...they said something that made my inner artist celebrate and almost explode out of my chest. The said...QUOTE..."I think I've heard of you before. Yeah, I have!" I...DERPED...ALL OVER DUH PLACE...I was so happy I was finally getting the recognition I feel I somewhat deserve. I cannot say how happy that made me feel. That was...amazing. Well, I just had to share this news with everyone.

In other news, I'm doing well in my Web Design classes. I'm making websites for peoplez and stuffs going great. I used a picture of Alduin's wall from Skyrim (sorry Bethesda) and she gave me 100%. I'm doing better than usual right now! Wish me the best of luck in getting my algebra grade up though. I HATE MATH. It's too hard...

NOTHING! No, seriously. 10/7/2012

What do I say other than I didn't do ANYTHING today? I baked a pie, did some sewing and did some side work for my mom. I did nothing else today...To make up for this boring post, I shall give you two pics today! I am officially questioning why I even decided to post today...It'll come to me.

Sharing is CARING 10/5/2012

Look, if you're not using the laptop charger and my laptop is going to die it seems like the most logical route to let me sue it while your battery slowly goes down. Maybe logic just isn't your thing. Maybe you should act more adult and let me just use it for 20 minutes while you chat with your girlfriend online. Oh, wait, she's not your girlfriend? You only text and chat and talk to her more than you interact with your family. You really need to be honest with yourself and grow some balls before you start pitching for the other team. Meh, whatever. I'mm just sit over here...hoping you don't read this over my shoulder.

What's Up with my Family?! 10/4/2012

M whole darn family has been so short fused recently. My dad shouts whenever someone else shouts and they shout whenever something bad happens even when its small and tiny. COME ON. You're all more mature than this. Just because something doesn't go your way doesn't give you any right to flip out at the people around you and it certainly doesn't give them permission to crack back at you. I am actually enjoying the company of my younger brother quite a bit right now while watching the making of Star Wars before bed. I really love the Yoda part about him being a puppet but him having to be intelligent and small. I think it's actually interesting. I admit it, I'm a nerd. Well, I have to go to bed. Wish me luck in getting everyone to calm the heck down. Night!

I'm Becoming a Shipping Otaku 10/2/2012

I can truly say to you today that things have been going better than usual. I actually scavenged enough time to make a legitimate banner for this blog! I must say it looks simply lovely with it's color effects and lettering. I shall now shed a tear in its glory. Maybe I'm taking this a bit too far, yes? The only discouraging thing is that views to my blog have plummeted and that's kind of a sad thing for me considering I thought nobody cared in the first place. Still no comments on anything but I bet with enough time and entries I'll get one...someday. Well, I'm tired and am really not supposed to be on the internet this late so...goodnight internet!

P.S. In addition to everything above...I'm turning into a fangirl for a certain anime guy..."HE'S MINE BACK OFF" I screech to all the others. If you knew me, you'd get it and considering NONE of my friends know about this blog, nobody but me gets it. I'm so terrible, I'm shipping characters with my friends for laughs and kicks and I'm leaving them either pissed or excited. Is there no medium?! Love ya'll. Actual goodnight this time.

^^^ This is me over the anime guy ^^^

Darn you Creativity! 10/1/2012

Despite my need to get drawings and animations done, my mind has deserted me, leaving my imagination blank like a desert. If only I could have a full 24 hour day of coffee and silence to get a crap-load done on my movie. My-oh-my, how I hate this thing we call 'growing up'. I'm just trying to get by. School has allowed me much spare time after classes but without my tablet and proper drawign software at school there's very little I can do besides move things around and color-code thr script. Its annoying that I can't seem to keep focused on one thing for a long amount of time and I get so discouraged so easily. I'm going to go and doodle in my tiny sketch book in hopes of awakening some spark of brain and creating something on paper. Wish me luck!

On another note, I still hope we get rain. I've been waiting for such a long time I think I deserve a good storm before Winter hits with its snow and flurries. This Winter, I'm going to sit out on the porch with some tea and a good book and just let life flow for a bit. Sounds good, right? I hope it works out the way I plan. Maybe I'll sneak in a photo of my snowy porch once it rolls around. Well, I know its still early but I'm posting. Have a good night everyone. I hope you're doing well.

I did this when I was about 6. I've always been a doodle bug. PLUS...

HAPPY 50TH POST!

Destiny work in Mysterious Ways 9/27/2012

I honestly have nothing new to talk about! Really, I don't. My story is making wonderful progress and I plan to get it done by this next coming Summer (YAY!) and then about halfway through I'll look ino how one goes about getting something published. How does that sound? I'm currently working on the map of the world so things should be going quicker once its finished. Wish me luck!

-WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN-

Falling Down 9/25/2012

I seem to be falling into another one of my deep and dark (and random) depression cycles. I know that it will pass but it doesn't stop it from happening. They seem to be a little more predictable now. Whenever something comes up about my weight or activity levels a dark cloud haunts me. I need a good storm to calm down. They SAY we'll have one tomorrow but they said that about today as well. I want thunder and lightning and I want to power to go out. I was the sky to be alive with noise and light. I am so disappointed in these past few months. The heat was really starting to get both on my nerves and into my head. I hate hot weather and would trade sweat for shivers any day. I plan not to wear a coat all winter no matter how cold or snowy it get. To help cheer myself up, I put two picture below today. Have a good night.

I know, I know 9/20/2012

Missed me, didn't you? Things have been WAY too tough where I am right now so I haven't been able to post often :P Just saying, things have been happening like crazy. I'll start with what I remember being the most important thing. For one thing, I've decided what my next cosplay will be. It will be a Cheshire cat. I plan to make a super long scarf and tail, white dress shirt, blue vest and black dressy pants. The color style will be black and strong blue. Other than that it's really simple. I'm going back on a diet since I need to lose all this ugly weight keeping me down. I need to grow up and accept that I need to change to be seen as normal in this damn country (first swear in the blog...feels good). America is a country of freaks, in my opinion. We are 1/3 fat and yet the twigs are the most relentless to us. I hate twigs. Back on track.

I've made a huge decision. I will probably never ever drive. Ever. I have such a great fear of it that I am training my body to be accustomed to bike seats and leg work so I can both ride bikes and take busses for the rest of my life. Yet another reason to lose weight. I'm going on this crash diet to get immediate results and am taking fitness and am trying to get my endurance up. I will not spend my life as a drone. I won't fall into that 'drive to work-go home-sleep-repeat' drone cycle that nearly every human has. WHY? Why become just like everyone else when you could change things? Why stay low? Why be normal? Stereotypes can kiss my butt.

To Mean People 9/9/2012

Go die in a deep hole. If you hurt people, kill people, steal from people, make people cry in sadness, people who break things that mean something, people who judge others, people who are selfish, people who are conceded, people who bully, people who rape, people who steal lives and anyone else who does anything that causes pain. GO DIE IN A FREAKING HOLE. Go rot somewhere where nobody will ever find you. If you hurt someone, go die. Politicians are just as bad. Thanks for making this whole planet a living Hell.

So Depressed 9/8/2012

I don't even know why I try sometimes with everyone and everything. I'm not some sort of EMOTIONAL DUMPING GROUND. I have my OWN issues to worry about. Sometimes, I don't CARE. I'm not here for the sole purpose of cheering you up every time you say you need a hug. Yeah, I ask for a hug every once and a while but texting me EVERY HOUR of EVERY DAY?! I need a break from the drama. I thought moving would be an escape but it only tripled my problems. Yeah, you have issues with your family but they aren't mine so stop making them mine.

On another depressed note, my mom almost made me drive today. I will avoid it if at all possible. I hate driving. I never want to drive but society thinks your retarded if you can't so whatever. What if I want to walk or take the bus in my life? Why do I need to know how to drive? I don't see what the big deal is. Can't I be grown up and adult without my license? Forget this world. Forget everything. I'm going to bed. Just freakin' leave me alone while I wait for another painful and pointless day.

THE STRESS IS BACK 9/6/2012

Jusy when I thought I was in the clear my driving instructor calls to schedule the behind the wheels. Noooo....I'm back to the constant fear that my mom will make me drive. What's up with the freakish fear of driving?! I need to get over it and yet when I sit behind the wheel I even forget what the brake is...I have a serious problem. I need help...I'm keeping it short because I'm going to bed...I'll just go shed tears of shame...

Day One of School 9/4/2012

Day one of my new school was...confusing and frustrating to say the least. I have no idea what is going on with classes, no laptop as UPS is retarded and lazy and some of the online books and videos won't work. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?! UPS, if you want us to get a package ring the doorbell or knock when it arrives. Don't be completely retarded and just leave a note. Thanks to you, my education is being set back because you're too flipping lazy to knock on a door or press a button. I hope you couldn't find our house at first and drove around the city wasting gas. Flip off until your not too lazy to give us a call. Have a wonderful cushy life.

Forget Him... 9/3/2012

Today we went shopping for school clothes. I must admit its quite unpleasant but now it is way more because the new school we're attending has uniforms. WHAT THE HECK? I can see how you can argue on both sides of the pro and anti sides of uniforms but its too much of an adjustment for me right now. Whatever, it doesn't matter now. Let's just buy some underwear and uniforms and be DONE with the who flipping ordeal. Whatever...

And my brother is acting like a selfish screwup again. In an attempt to keep me from taking his chair when were were in the kitchen, HE CARRIED IT OUT OF THE ROOM WITH HIM AND SET IT DOWN WHEN HE GOT BACK. What a messup. Why can't he just grow up and choose something important to fight about. Why should I listen to ANYTHING he has to say? Why listen at all? Ok, then  I won't. Until further notice, I won't even acknowledge him. Forget him. I don't NEED anything he has to offer, if that IS anything at all.

Suspicious much? 8/31/2012

We visited my new school which starts on Tuesday today. Saw some twigs and jocks which I automatically wanted to throw up on. I must have been making a terrible face because my parents were worried. I hate prissy people. They make me sick because not everyone can be "perfect" like them. They're like a scourge on the planet. All selfish people can burn. Selfishness only causes pain. It only destroys. I find this world and all humans to be pathetic. In other news, I find I cannot take a good picture of myself as my head always seems too small for my body.

In other other news, I just realized I have over 600 views on my blog! Thanks for reading my rants and raves and for seeing me at my best and my worst! I thank everyone who reads. Have a wonderful evening.

Back! Still Tired... 8/30/2012

Well, I'm back from the anime con and I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed myself. My only complaint was that it was too short...Three days and I still wanted to stay longer, see more, and meet more amazing people. I secretly hoped I would meet someone to be good friends and maybe...have a relationship with but no luck. Maybe I'm just too optimistic about my romantic life. I recently stooped to a new low of loneliness. I googled free and good visual novels. I've never dated in real life before and...its depressing. I know I'm not the prettiest girl in the world but I have such a kind personality...I wish my crush would ask me out already...I'M FALLING INTO MY DEPRESSIONS AGAIN!

School starts for me on the fourth since the school is still being BUILT. I know, right? Awesome! But we have to stay in school longer so its a double edged sword on the topic. I have to admit, though, the schools concept is an interesting one and I'm waiting to see how everything plays out. It makes you think "Where's the catch to this?" its so amazing. Anyways, I'm tired. Being up since 3 AM doesn't do anybody any good. I still have so much to do!

Oh CRAP 8/23/2012

Well, I am in official PANIC MODE. The charger for my camera's ONLY BATTERY is MIA and I leave at 9:30 tomorrow and I'm not even packed up yet...WHY DO I PROCRASTINATE?! Well...it's just me.

Watched the end of Dr.Who season 1 (the one with the 9th and 10th Doctors) and CRIED. I cried...so much...I left a soggy spot on the cosplay I was carefully hand-stitching in my lap. No spoilers but I will say...I did enjoy the company of the ninth Doctor but the tenth is...really good looking. I am a doctor fan. Time is his gig and he should pursue that with all his heart. Anti-Dalek, right here.

I'll be GONE! 8/22/2012

If you haven't been keeping up with my blogs I will be absent and therefore unable to post from the 24th through the 26th and may miss a day or two after. Just saying! Anime Con to attend and I an TOTALLY EXCITED! I also need to finish a few of these art trades before I go but FORGET IT! YEAH! Finishing my cosplay tonight (procrastinating for the win) and am so physicked for this.

It Exists?! YEAH! 8/21/2012

If you've ever watched Wolfs Rain you know what a Lunar Flower is quite well. You will be ultimately surprised to find out that this flower actually does exist! It is called a "Brahma Kamal" and the flower blooms only at night for one time in its entire life before it dies in the morning after blooming. It is a rare jem which is mostly found in Indian countries. I would KILL for one of these flowers. I wouldn't even care if it died so quickly. It would be...symbolic...

My OWN SPACE 8/20/2012

AM I NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE MY OWN FLIPPIN' SPACE?! My room is NOT a complete disaster but my OCD mom says it always is. It's fine. I like my space. It is my world. It is where I can feel slightly safe in a disgusting world. When things go bad, I go to my room for safety and reassurance. But when it's not my room? I can't feel safe anywhere. Stop controlling my room. STOP CONTROLLING MY SPACE. This is my DEN and my SAFE PLACE. You can't consume everything in the house in your tornado of goodness and cleanliness. It's just not me. IT'S NOT ME.

Nevertheless I cleaned it anyways to keep her mostly quiet. But then, I finish and she looks in and says..."Now you can sweep it." WHAT?! I guess the perfect world version of her would give me a compliment or tell me good job you're done for the day. Remember, I said perfect world. It wasn't even that bad to begin with...

-UPDATE- 8/19/2012

I just talked to the abused friend's step-sister who is a truly amazing person. She says he's injured from being beaten again but she got a job to pay for his surgeries and has substantial evidence to help him. I am talking to her now, exchanging information and giving each other support. She truly is a guardian for this amazing boy.

News, news, news! 8/19/2012

On a positive note to start out with, my cosplay is looking amazing. I screwed up on the pants a bit but if I'm wearing them the mistake shouldn't show up too much. I'm taking a baby repair kits juuust in case something happens since 90% of the sewing is hand done. As frustrating as it would be for a seam to rip or something to that extent, I have to be prepared because with me, anything is possible. I just picture myself putting the pants on and the seams tearing all the way up. Unlikely but...that scares me. Whatever. With the con only 5 DAYS AWAY I have no room for worries. I'll just be spending time with my friends who mean the world to me. I can't let anything hold me back. I wish I was this way behind the wheel...

On a scarier note I haven't heard from my abused friend in a few days. He hasn't been online at all and I'm starting to worry more and more. Any advice...? Please? I don't know what to do anymore. Heck, I'm tired and am not feeling well. My throat was sore this morning. I hope its nothing serious.

Took this stunning photo at my local zoo when the red panda just ran up to the glass and I was right there to get awesome photos.

Things are Crazy 8/16/2012

There are so many natural disasters and shootings its like the whole world is falling to pieces. Maybe this whole religion thing is right. Man, this has me completely scared. Well, whatever happens, I have to change my actions. I don't know how I will but...I have to. I haven't been in contact with the friend who needs the serious help. I'm starting to worry. What's going on...?

Come on Guys... 8/15/2012

Today was almost fine. I got the pants for my Hige cosplay for the con I'm going to lower in my state. Now all i need to do is finish the modifications on the sweater and get the shoes and then it'll be done. In the nick of time, I'm hoping. I have to hand stitch the sleeve-stripes on and I'm going to attempt to get the pants' stripes on with the machine but I don't know if I'll be able to. THANK GOODNESS FOR SCRUBS! Yes I'm using scrub pants for the cosplay. Resourcefulness for the win.

In other news my parents are quite angry at each other for no apparent reason. It started over shirts (or so I heard). Look guys, this sharp comments and ignoring one another is really getting old. Are you REALLY gonna do this every three days? Seems like it nowadays. Have fun with whatever you both think you're accomplishing...

Telling Someone 8/14/2012

Right now as we speak I am telling and chatting with someone from an abuse hotline for my friend. I don't know what to do. I have to help him though. PLEASE pray for him. He needs help to get away from the hell he lives in now. If you know someone who is abused...TELL SOMEONE. Even if they can't contact someone, you can. Please help them, they may not be there tomorrow.

Try these...

http://www.rainn.org/

Online Hotline

TONS OF HOTLINES